Hello Reader,

I'm sending you this email from a new email address - partneredpathparenting@gmail.com. You might want to add it to your contacts to make sure you're it doesn't go to your junk folder.

But that's just housekeeping.

The real reason I'm writing today is to share something that happened with my daughter recently and how we worked through it. It's a fantastic example of coaching and being coachable, and it illustrates exactly why I love what I do. These principles work for kids and adults. If we work together and you start making little changes like this, you'll soon have the experience you need to coach your kids in similar situations. There's a ripple effect. A compounding return. It's so cool.

So, the story.

My daughter came out of her karate class nearly in tears. She didn't want anyone to overhear us talking, so she waited until we got to the car to let me know that she was upset because she made not one, but THREE mistakes. At this juncture, she understands intellectually that everyone makes mistakes, but she doesn't appreciate them and she's so hard on herself.

We sat together until she felt composed enough to move forward, but her composure began to unravel again at bedtime.

I asked her, as I often do, if she needed me to help her figure this out, or if she just wanted me to listen.

She said she wanted help, so I asked her, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much she believed that she shouldn't make mistakes. She said she was at about a 7. It's a thought that feels quite true to her. Then I asked her how much she believes that mistakes help us grow. She said 3 or 4.

She knows, logically, that mistakes are important for growth. But - this is the key - the thought that she shouldn't make mistakes carries much more weight for her. Trying to reassure herself (or trying to reassure her on my end) by reminding her that mistakes are important and help us grow isn't going to work in this situation.

With that information, I took it a step further. I asked her how much she believed the thought "mistakes happen." She said she was about a 9 on that one. We found a thought we could work with. So, I asked her to pause and focus on that thought and see if thinking that thought - on purpose - helped her feel better. It did.

About a week later, she went back to class. The instructor had them do a similar drill, and she made a similar mistake. When she realized it, she gave me a look, and I had a feeling we were going to have a repeat of the week before. I was wrong. She came out smiling, then shrugged her shoulders and said, "mistakes happen." In the car, she told me that at first she was upset, but then she told herself that mistakes happen, and it helped her move on.

Coaching for the win!

This is the process.

This is the work we do together. And when you understand how it works for you, you can start to teach your kids, too.

Your partner in parenting,

Julia McGarey

PS

I have limited space for new clients these days. If you would like to explore how coaching together can help you navigate the challenges you're facing with your own kids, schedule your consultation here.